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Thursday, November 1st, 2007
9:35 pm - Time for some positive news I think...

So I've finally got a resolution to the problems of the previous post... I got a new job!!!!

Actually, it's a pretty awesome deal! I get 6 weeks vacation, more money, no income tax, pension and half medical insurance paid. Plus, I'll be the only IT person, so everything will be my responsibility! I'll even have my own office/work room! Not only that, but they currently have their servers in a shared server room. One of my projects is going to be moving them from that room into a dedicated server room of our own. Yay me!

Gotta thank Sarah for finding the job posting. It's amazing how these things can happen! 

The weird thing is that when I told my collegues about my new job, the one I was having problems with and I had a big discussion about why I was leaving and he explained why he'd been making things so difficult. Turns out he had a somewhat reasonable reason after all. Just wish he could have told me about it all 6 months ago, would have made my life a LOT more enjoyable! c'est la vie I guess.

In other news, I've been looking into the prices for Kayaks, X-country skis and snowboards. I'm thinking some heavy spending is in my future! LOL! I've only been wanting a kayak for over 10 years! 'bout time I buy one i suppose. Certainly

oviger seems to think so! He's probably right, since I keep saying I want one. 

It's all feeling like a breath of fresh air!

 



current mood: happy

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Sunday, September 17th, 2006
1:29 am - Feel free to answer or ignore...
I know, I never answer these or post them normally, but I felt in the mood so answered it on a friend's journal and as a consequence posted it here so he can answer back if he so desires.

1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:



HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...

1. Do we know each other outside of Live Journal?
2. Whats your philosophy on life?
3. Would you have my back in a fight?
4. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
5. What is your favorite memory of us?
6. Would you give me a kidney?
7. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
8. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?
9. Can we get together and make a cake?
10. Have you heard any rumors of me lately?
11. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?
12. Do you think I'm a good person?
13. Would you drive across country with me?
14. Do you think I'm attractive?
15. If you could change anything about me, would you?
16. What do you wear to sleep?
17. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?
18. Would you go on a date with me if i asked you?
19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
20. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

current mood: spontaneous

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Sunday, May 14th, 2006
10:35 am - New journal for our trip...
Hey everyone, I know it's been ages since I've updated and I guess that's one common theme of this journal. Well now I've created a new journal called eandsworld for our world trip details. Feel free to read it as I'll be updating that on a more or less daily basis (though we are dependant on the internet availability, so may have to post several days at once). I will also be putting up a picture website as soon as i can. Where we are staying at the moment has pay as you go internet so it's a little difficult to actually do much surfing, but I'm doing my best!

current mood: hot

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Sunday, January 29th, 2006
11:16 am - What's six months between friends?
I guess it's about time I returned to this writing in my journal lark.... I don't know why I never seem to be able to maintain regular updates. Probably because I find my day to day life fairly mundane. I feel inspired to write when all I the news I have is a day at work (especially after having had problems with work reading my journal in the past).

As usual, given the time since my last post, a great deal has happened since then.Collapse )
Wow. I guess I did have something to talk about all this time huh? Congratulations if you managed to read this far. As usual, i'I going to try and do this a little more often to cut it down into more manageable doses. But we'll see if that happens or not.

current mood: accomplished

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Saturday, May 14th, 2005
12:51 pm - Discertation on abject feeling... ...Does that make any sense?
It amazes me how much the media can play on our emotions like a well tune instrument.

I have watched the final two episodes of Friends twice in the past week, and every time I do I feel empty. The whole reason that show was so popular was down to the fact that everyone wished they had a group of friends like that, so then why is it SO hard to actually HAVE one? It seems like everyone I know has so many people they refer to as friends, and that, by their standards, I could say I have loads of friends all over the place.

Somehow though, I just don't seem to be able to define friendship the same way as they do. I would say I have one true friend in this country, and even then the friendship is less that I would like (it's ok though, I understand the reasons behind the situation and I accept them. She's a great person going through a series of hard times, so I'm just happy to be there when I can). Everyone else is, to me, nothing more than a close acquaintance. Someone I might hang out with on occasion, but who never phones me, who I never phone, and who would probably not think twice about me when I move.

So in other words exactly like the vast majority of "friends" I had/have in Montreal. We all exchange pleasantries with eachother whenever we chance to meet, but that's where it ends. I tend to feel like I'm alone in my sentiments, and yet whenever I discuss them with those few close/true friends I do have, they tell me that it's the same for them. I constantly feel the victim. Why is that? It's as much my fault as theirs that we don't hang out. I feel so pressured, like calling someone requires a reason.

Then I analyze that very attitude and realize that it could lead to people feeling that I only call when I want something. I don't want people to feel that way, and yet I don't know how to change. I feel like a social idiot. I try to play things they way I see others play them, make silly jokes about eachother, pick at silly flaws in a joking sense, yet I feel dirty doing so, realizing that I hate it when people pick on me like that. It's just not me.

But then, what *is* me these days? I've dropped into a pool of lethargy. I seem incapable of creativity. The only time I think of things to do with myself is when I can't do them (ie when driving or at work or whatever). When I get home, I just feel like I can't be asked to do anything. TV seems so inviting, sucking me into a world where I can't feel rejected, can't be cast aside. Yet that's almost how I felt watching the end of the season finale of Friends.

How strange, to associate such feelings with a group of people I've never met, and never will meet. People who really don't exist as anything more than the creations from the minds of a group of sitcom writers. They mean nothing, they are nothing. Yet they are a perfect representation of the societal ideal. The structure we all wish we could have.

I think it boils down to wanting to feel safe with people. Wanting to know that we can say anything to these people and not fear their reaction. To know that they will take what you say the way you intend it. These are the people I can call my friends, people who understand and accept me. People who won't take offence to my little quirks because they know I don't mean anything personal by them.

I know I can seem an asshole to people. I know I have a tendancy to be brutally honest about things, but I don't know how not to be. If someone asks me a question, I assume they want an answer. I can't understand how to sugarcoat things or tell outright lies just to make people feel better about themselves. At the end of the day, I don't really want to. I think it makes me a more genuine person. People know that when I say something nice about what they've done or what they are doing that I really mean it. But I guess that's something you only come to understand after a while of knowing me, and few people have the patience to get that close. Because I'm not the same as everyone else, they try to apply their societal template over my actions and so derive meaning from them that just isn't there.

My defensiveness being taken as attacking them, for example. Someone asking me why I'm vegetarian might think I'm preaching, but I guess the very question sometimes makes me feel like I'm being attacked. "WHY don't you eat meat?" as though the act of abstaining is a personal affront to those who do.

So many times I've been told, don't take things so personally. I try not to, I really do. I know it's not good to be sensitive and that I over react sometimes. Still, I find many hypocritcal in this demand as they expect me not to take what they say personally, yet end up taking my response as a personal attack!

Bah! Sometimes I wish I didn't have to deal with people at all. How much easier it would all be if you could truly just understand someone by looking at them. As though they were an open book that translated a person's words and actions into your own personal template. A way for you to know that someone was being genuine and know what they really meant by something.

Yes, I know I'm a dreamer. But I'm a dreamer that's slowly becoming more cynical by the hour. It's really quite hard to reconcile the two with eachother though I must say.

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Saturday, November 6th, 2004
8:14 pm - Guy Faukes day....
What does that mean? It means everyone and their brother takes this weekend (and the surrounding couple of weeks) to blow up as many fireworks as they can get their grubby litttle hands on.

I swear, I begin to think I know what it must feel like living in a war zone. Albeit a small war, but still.

At least it make people happy I guess.


I wonder what the local wildlife makes of it all...

current mood: curious

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Tuesday, September 7th, 2004
7:33 am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DLFOREVER!!!!

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Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
10:28 pm
I've missed giving massages.

One of the best things of going to the Oval way back when was sitting around chatting with people, playing cards, and the general friendliness of the whole thing. I miss that too. I was always welcome to sit and chat with people. I even felt welcome chatting with people I didn't really know, such was the atmosphere of the place. If only more places could have those vibes. Why can't every pub give you that welcome feeling?

Just gave my GF a full body massage for over an hour. Apparently she'd never had a full body massage before, only ever had a back rub. Guess I should give her more massages eh? ;)

There is so much I miss from my past. I wonder if I will ever return to the tranquility of those early days?

current mood: nostalgic

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Wednesday, July 7th, 2004
11:51 pm
Today we stand united!

Umm... Yeah....

So anyway, today has been a day of geekery. I have to say, dual monitors on a PC ROCKS!!! I've had dual monitors on my work PC for some time, and it's helped me get a lot of work done a lot faster. So today, I finally got around to setting it up on my home PC. Why? Well, I was working on a website I manage, and I really needed the benefits of having that extra workspace. What a difference it made!!! I now have a 21" primary CRT, with my taskbar at the bottom, including my quicklaunch bar. The secondary monitor is a 17" CRT which has my messenger client, ITunes, a "My Computer" task bar, and an address bar with a pop-up list of my favorites on it.

*comfotable sigh* It's been such a help! A few hours later I have fully redesigned the webpage I was working on, and sorted out a couple of extra things I had been trying to get working when I originally designed the page! I feel so contented!

Rather amusing given how reluctant I was to work on the page in the first place. Now that it's done, it's just so satisfying. Hopefully the people I did it for will appreciate it the same way. In case you're wondering, this is what I was working on. It's still in development (there are a couple of missing pages, for which I still haven't received the information, and the text colours are still up in the air, so are still all black for the time being, but compared to what it used to look like, I think you'll agree, it's a dramatic change!



Ok, that's enough of the geekery... In other news, my GF ROCKS! She kindly bought me TWO presents out of the blue yesterday! First, Dogma on DVD (which we watched last night. Excellent movie), but also a Marillion collection of some of the bands eariler hits, including Grendel, which I didn't have on CD prior to that. I love that chick! :)

Work has been going well. I've completed one of three projects that I was working on and completed the second to the point that I can't continue until I get feedback. I won't bore you with the details, but the completed project went down VERY well. The people I did it for were EXTREMELY impressed, both with the backup solution I provided and the simplicity of the procedures, as well as with the speed with which I completed it (I received the request at the beginning of last week, and implemented the solution yesterday)! I love it when people e-mail my boss to praise me! *beams* I just hope the raise I've been promised this month proves to be of a decent amount.

I've also finally got my MCSE training material, so hopefully I will be able to complete my MCSE before I move back to Canada. So far, it's been boringly easy. But then, I've only done the first few modules of the first section so far, which only covers installing and configuring Windows XP, which I have been doing for several years at this point.

Hmmm.... I think I will try and calm down enough to sleep now. I have to work tomorrow afterall. I'll try to post something a little more thoughtful soon.

current mood: cheerful

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Wednesday, June 16th, 2004
10:34 pm - Reality is an entity unto itself...
I've been thinking a great deal about life lately. I'm not entirely satisfied with it at all, but I realized today that human nature appears never to leave anyone truly satisfied with what they have.

I've often heard the phrase "It's the journey, not the destination that matters" but I think it would be more apt to say that it's challenge rather than success that people want. Think about it. Every single person who has the opportunity to read this post is living a life that would be a dream to some people in the world. All our problems, things that seem so important to us, things that cause some of us to be suicidal, or worse, homicidal, would be taken on in the blink of an eye by the impoverished, starving people of the world.

Just think about it. Think about what it would be like to sit down for a chat with some poor individual from Ethiopia where you try and tell them about your problems as you would with a close friend. So you see, it's like everything in the world. It's all relative. It is our nature to compare things, and we inevitably compare ourselves and our lives to what we imagine we could have, what we could be doing.

I sit here in my rented house, in front of one of my computers and marvel at how incredibly selfish I truly am. But that, too, is relative. Compared to some I am the icon of selflessness. But I'm certainly no saint.

Do I think I can change? Do I think I can suddenly stop desiring that which I do not have? No, I'm not that naive. But I do certainly know I can be happier, by far, than I am now. It's remarkable how society molds us to be the jigsaw piece that will fit most closely into it's grand picture. Those pieces that don't fit? They get tucked away in the background. Institutions are made for them. A little bin to throw the unwanted pieces in so the rest of the picture can continue to grow, unconcerned.

I suppose we all do our best with what we are given. We all strive toward a higher level. Media has provided us all with the mapped out route to happiness, and apparently it is paved with merchandise. Only problem is that once you've bought your way to the end of the road, you may find that you're no where near where you thought you'd be. Millionaires who have everything become depressed. Why? The challenge is gone, they've achieved their goal, and found no fulfillment in it at all.

It's true, money can't buy you happiness. What it can do, however, is facilitate your journey. If your goal is to achieve nothing but more wealth, I fear you'll never truly find happiness. If, however, you use money as a tool, use it to pay for your journey, you may find that the people you meet along the way will take you to the destination you seek. Just never let turn your back on the conductor, the one person who can truly bring you to the ends of the earth merely by taking you in their arms.

After all, once you've been to the ends of the earth, the middleground will never hold much appeal anymore.

current mood: indescribable

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Tuesday, June 1st, 2004
10:21 pm
It really does amaze me sometimes how much my mood relates to the season. It's June 1st, and I must say I feel probably more positive now than I have for the last several months. Even though, in some ways, things are worse now than they have been in some time.

I guess things are strange that way. Perhaps I was suffering from Vitamin D deficiency, what with the lack of sun worshipping and all. But the weather has been great the last few weeks and I have, for the first time since living in Rigaud, been enjoying our back garden! This house is just SO MUCH BETTER than the old one.

I actually realized that if I was suddenly able to create the perfect place/life for myself, I would be taking a lot of stuff from here. The house is great, the job is quite good (salary aside), it's easy and cheap to get a car and the one I have I'm very happy with, there's lots of holiday, and lots of places to go. There's also loads more jobs available here than in Canada. But I do miss a lot of things about MTL too, the things I'd bring from there are the people, and the quality of day to day life.

I used to be able to go do so much more for free there than I can here. There's just much more natural beauty in and around Montreal. More than that, I'd take from Vancouver for the natural beauty side of things!

I really hope we get to visit BC this fall as I'd planned. All comes down to how much we have saved, and the job situation for the two of us.

In other news, I should be starting my training on MCSE soon. That would REALLY rock to have before I move. Certainly would improve me job prospects on arrival that's for sure!

*******

I often ponder on the fate of the world, where things are moving to. What mechanisms of social interchange will affect the outcome of the coming year, decade or century. No matter what predictions I see for the fate of the solar system, whether it be the sun in supernova, a comet/asteroid striking the planet, or greenhouse gases destroying the atmosphere, the only one that I think will matter ot us as a species is the latter. That's the only one that I think is likely to happy in the coming century or so. It's sad to say, but I would be vastly surprised if the Human race lives out the millenium, let alone long enough to see the inevitable annihilation of the solar system.

I can only hope that at some point in the near future, some of our world leaders will bring what powers they have to bear on the problem, and actually do something EFFECTIVE to solve the coming threat of global weather meltdown. Things have shifted noticeably in my short lifetime, I can only imagine the changes that await us.

On the up side, at least it might stop England being so rainy all the time! ;)

current mood: happy

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Sunday, May 23rd, 2004
9:07 am
Why is it that I only ever seem to get the urge to write when things aren't going well? At least, that's the only time I get introspective and release my real thoughts and feelings onto paper (or screen). It's been like that for as long as I can remember really.

I suppose I should take my lack of entries as a bit of a blesssing from that POV really. After all, the fact that I only write long rant posts once a month or so pressumably means that the rest of the time I'm pretty much content with life. Which is true really.

Things have been humming along lately. We've moved into the new house, the friend from Canada has come and gone. While she was here we did a fair bit, including going out clubbing in London for the first time since moving here. It's good to have friends in London! They're really cool people, and showed me some really nice places. Gotta go do that again soon. Just need to save up the money first I think. :)

We also took a 4 day trip over to Mallorca. It was definitely nice ot have a break from the every day of life. Too bad the weather there was pretty shit, so we didn't even get to go swimming. Mind you, we couldn't really expect much given the time of year we went. The Med was very cold, after a full winter with little sun to warm it up. Still, it was good all the same and we got to spend the last day at least soaking up the sun and sights.

Ironically, the weather here has been glorious over the last week. I really wonder sometimes if the hand of fate plays a part, because it always seems that when someone visits from Canada for the first time, the weather turns shit (the typical most people think of for England, overcast with spats of rain all the time). That's exactly what it did while Tara was here. As soon as she left, and before she arrived, the weather was wonderful. Sunny and warm. Ah well, that's life I guess.

Anyway, I'm going to go enjoy some of this nice weather I think.

Peace out.

current mood: content

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Saturday, May 22nd, 2004
3:58 pm
*sigh of contentment*...

I FINALLY have my internet connection back. After being without it since moving into the new house.

You can only imagine my relief! It's rather tedious when you have no phone, internet or TV and live in a town where there is really nothing to do in the evenings without paying money.

I'm MUCH happier!

Real post to follow.

current mood: content

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Wednesday, April 28th, 2004
5:45 am - Getting up before the sun is strange...
I haven't been up this early in ages. It's almost refreshing in a way...

Why am I up? I've got to go pick up a friend from the airport. Really bad timing for her, given that we're moving on Saturday, but it couldn't be helped.

I'm very excited about the move! The new place is so much nicer than this one. It's off the road a bit, and the road it's on is much less busy than ours, so maybe we'll finally be able to sleep with the windows open without having to worry about being woken up by every passing lout.

I'll probably be without the internet/phone line/TV for a week or so, which should be fun! It's just because NTL have never had a connection in the new place before.

Hmmm.. I think I'm gonna end here. It's thundering outside, and it's been so long since I've seen lighting I think I'd like to go and watch.

current mood: mildly excited

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Wednesday, April 21st, 2004
9:42 pm
Just a note to say I've once again started posting things mostly as friends only. Nothing serious has happened, but I just don't want to let someone read my entries who shouldn't. If you'd like to read my journal, and think your missing out by not reading my friends only post, post a comment and I'll probably add you to my friends list.

current mood: blah

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Sunday, April 4th, 2004
11:19 pm
Happy Birthday INFUSCO!!!


****************************


On another note, I've been thinking. At times, LJ can seem so very impersonal. It occurs to me that I've been using this journal all this time but generally only writing very superficial things.

It has also become evident how distant I am from those I once cared about. Some I still do care about, though I think I figure less and less into the equation for them. So often it's out of sight out of mind for people. I must say, I'm tired of feeling that way. But there may yet be a time that I am back in sight, though how I will react, or how others will react to me has yet to be seen. I wonder, often, what the point of it all really is. Those that see life through such eyes, are they worth it? We are never so rich as to be able to throw away a friend, and yet with some "friends" I wonder...

I know, phone calls are out of the question money is tight after all. But the odd e-mail, or even an IM would be nice. At least it would re-affirm the notion that I'm not just walking the wrong way down a one way street. That perhaps those who consume my thoughts so often, do occasionally think of me. Time for change has come again I think....


******************************

In other news, I bought the entire Matrix Trilogy yesterday. There are few movies I like enough to want to own, The Matrix has long been such a one, and I thought since I'm buying one, why not get all three. Now if only I had a projector to watching it on my wall! :)

current mood: Disillusioned

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Sunday, March 28th, 2004
9:13 pm - Bizarre...
I start posting more regularly and everyone else stops it seems....

.... Isn't life ironic, don't ya think? ...

current mood: okay

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Saturday, March 27th, 2004
11:02 pm
I got a new car today!!! Well, actually I put a deposit on it and will pick it up on Monday evening if all goes as planned. This is excellent news for me! :)

For those interested, the new car (used actually) in question is a Ford Mondeo. Probably won't mean much to those of you in Canada, but there's no equivalent model there. At least, none that I know of. And while in Canada getting a ford would be something I wouldn't even consider (as they rust like hell there), in England's climate they are actually considered to be very good cars! Certainly it seems much more comfortable inside than my current VW Golf.

In other news, if you like gratuitous violence in film, go see Dawn of the Dead. There's pretty much no plot, but a lot of dark humour, and even with the lack of real plot line or story building, it's actually a fairly good movie and I didn't ever really find myself bored. Good for a laugh anyway, and there's some unusual happenings in it too. If you do go to see it, be sure to stay for the credits as there is a little more of the "story" told in little clips from a supposed home video camera. Enough said.

Gonna go visit my Grandpa tomorrow. Really should do that more often I think. Just hard to coinside when I think about it with when he's actually willing to have company. He's a bit set in his traditions, he *is* 98 after all, and so tends to always have his meals at the same times, and a nap in the afternoon, and tea in the morning. He likes to know when he's going to be having company, so showing up unannounced is generally not good. No matter how hard I try I always seem to think of going to visit either when we're in the neighborhood (and would be dropping in unannounced) or when I'm at home but it's one of his key times of day. But enough excuses! *slaps own wrist* I must make the effort!

Anyway. Bed awaits!

I can't wait to get my new car!

*bounce bounce bounce*

current mood: bouncy

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Tuesday, March 23rd, 2004
5:51 pm
I thought it was about time to change my icons.

Whaddya think?

current mood: creative

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Sunday, March 21st, 2004
5:05 pm
Hey, for a while there I was posting almost regularly! Strange or what? ;)

Just completing a reinstall of my computer. Not that it was completely screwed or anything, just wanted to do general maintenance. I used to reinstall every 6 months or so, but I hadn't done a full reinstall since I got my 80gb drive some while ago... It's all humming along now though!

English weather is very strange. We started out the day sunny, then had a spot of rain, then went back to sunny. All the while having howling winds! It makes it very difficult to plan for the day when you can NEVER be sure what the weather is going to do. Still, I shouldn't complain. At least we had SOME sun today! And summer is comming, days are getting longer. Soon we'll be able to go out after work in shorts and t-shirts again! *contented sigh*

Sarah's great-aunt died last week. I always worry that I seem calous about death, but the truth is that I'm rather unconcerned with it. As far as I'm concerned, if you lved to old age, enjoyed you life and died without suffering, there's nothing to worry about. At the end of the day, the person who's dead isn't likely to notice much, so it's down to us living people to greave or not as we see fit. I'd rather just celebrate the good times and think of things that way.

I think she understands though. Certainly, we've talked about it and she seemed ok with the whole thing. Even agreed with me that the poor woman is probably better off now. She was suffering from dementia after all and was very incoherent. Hadn't been really able to clearly remember or talk about anything in years. So I don't really think she was afraid of death or anything.

Still, death always reminds you of your own mortality. Truth be told, I don't think I'd be very satisfied with my life if I were to die tomorrow. Just wish I knew what to do to change that.

current mood: contemplative

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